You don't say

Today I am tired. I am tired because I can’t find an ad to spark my imagination. So instead, we have this one.

Straight-up I have one major issue with this ad, and it’s an issue that I have with a lot of ads in this particular newspaper (not that it’s really The Nation’s fault.)

Here we have an ad that is essentially a list. This ad says, in a flat and lifeless monotone: “We are an insurance company. We sell insurance. We sell personal insurance. We sell health, education, car, home and accident insurance. Please find us at any of the locations below or on the phone numbers below. Thank you customer.”

Is that it? A vague and weak attempt has been made to spice up the above with a picture of a happy nuclear family (the old 'aaah ain't he cute' tactic) and the blah blah ‘things that matter’ headline.

Come on AON… don’t you sponsor Man City or something…?

Here we have a classic case of what I call, for the sake of politeness, chronic delusional self-confusingitis, aka the ‘Whatever’ syndrome. This is a condition whereby the advertiser thinks that if he/she simply says ‘I sell XYZ’, it will automatically follow that people will queue up in their thousands to buy XYZ.

It doesn’t work like that, never has and, on this planet, never will.

Ok it does work like that if you are the only person who sells XYZ and the whole world is absolutely desperate for all the XYZ that they can get which means that by you simply saying “I sell XYZ” you will become the richest person in the world ever.

However if you’re simply saying “I sell XYZ”, and there’s another 35 shops on your road that also sell XYZ, all at pretty much the same price, and your only claim to fame is a ka-loose association with Sir Alex, which doesn’t jazz everyone btw, then quite frankly you might as well save your breath.

Here’s a little news for the folks at AON – it may be a good idea if you sit down and hold on to your desks – WE KNOW THAT YOU SELL INSURANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing.

Let me clarify my point, just on the off chance that it should require clarification. This ad is a bit like Brookside running an ad saying “Brookside milk… IT COMES FROM COWS!!!!”, or it’s a bit like a restaurant placing a sign outside their door saying “Inside, HOT AND COLD COOKED FOOD FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!”

I don’t want to swear, but no shit Sherlock…

The ad agency responsible for this so called advert has some questions to answer, but we’ll get back to them.

This ad is a classic example of that particular species of ad that I call ‘Advertitus Statetheobviousis’. An ad that states the obvious is an insult to the intelligence. Given that IQ is a normal distribution, which means that 50% of the Nation has an IQ above 100, and that the sub-sample of adults at whom this ad is targeted probably have a higher-than-average median intelligence, this ad is therefore an insult to your target audience’s intelligence you Muppets…

Surely the point of an ad is to convince me? Convince me first that I need insurance, convince me second that I need a particular type of insurance, and convince me third that I should get that particular type of insurance from AON. How does this ad convince me? Is the picture supposed to convince me? Is the headline (such as it is) supposed to convince me to get up from my desk and head on down to wherever you have told me to go? What reasons have you given me to? How have incentivized me? Is there a 15% discount on premiums this weekend only? Will I get a free lollipop? Will I get a free Man U wall calendar? Anything? Please…?

It’s actually quite depressing.

I would much rather see an advert in black and white, with no pictures, consisting purely of a series of bulleted points that lay out in an interesting and factual manner the reasons why I should make a particular purchase. It won’t be pretty, and it won’t win any awards, but at least it will be an attempt to engage me as an adult.

This ad talks to me like a child: “Mr. Nyagah…. Did you know that we sell insurance….”

Yes. I knew. I read, papers and things, even watched the news, once, cnn, Richard Quest fellow...

An ad that does not attempt to convince is unprofessional. This is a very unprofessional ad. This unprofessionalism is not the fault of the client – we shouldn’t really expect him or her to know any better seeing as how we are supposed to be the experts… I wonder at what point in this town professional standards ceased to be of any importance, and why…???????

Or maybe it is the client – “Just do as I say!”

Just do it yourself then mate, and good luck.